How do I introduce this topic...Lately I have been growing in my understanding of myself and how I respond in different situations. I am realizing that there are ways in which I am made, and that"s just how I am made. It isn"t right or wrong, it"s just how I am. (Of course the outworking of how I am made can easily result in right or wrong things happening.)
For instance, I am finally growing to understand that perhaps I am a individual of few words. I don"t talk a lot. I don"t talk to think things through, or to process data. Most of that goes on in my head. However, because I am not always communicating out loud, some individuals (read: My Family) take my lack of words to be an indication that I am upset or angry or something that I"m not. Quiet, for them, equals anger. In my case at least.
The other thing I"m trying to understand about myself is that I just don"t bounce back quickly after an emotional shock to the system. Some people in my family can pretty much take a shot or be in a context where a lot of emotional crap is flying, and very quickly afterward, get up and have everything be good again. I can"t.
For me, I feel a lack integrity if I respond outwardly without taking the time to process the events. After such an event, it"s still playing through my head and I"m not present because I"m busy processing things. Usually I think through where I failed, how the event unfolded and my failure in it, and further responses to it. I can"t do that all in an hour or two.
Some call this sulking, and sometimes it"s nothing more than nursing a wound. But the thing people who bounce back quickly don"t understand is how it can take some people extra time to process such things.
And I"m not sure if that lack of ability to bounce back quickly is the quality of a sick or ill individual physically, spiritually, or emotionally, or if it is simply a quality of being a more reflective individual. I think it can be both. I"m just trying to get to the place where it"s ok if it takes some time to work things through, inside.
Problems arise when the “Quick Processor”? is done thinking and getting on with things, and grows impatient with the “Slow Processor,”? who is quietly processing data in the corner. Then, when the “Slow Processor”? gets done and is ready to move on, or talk about it, the “Quick Processor”? is long past that point in their lives.
Sigh.
Life seems to be one long process of figuring things out.
I think I'm most comfused over the fact that I actually understood that last part about the "processors".
ReplyDeleteMaybe over time they learn to slow a bit to our speed and we also learn to process things in a more timely manner - or at least we learn to speak more easily about things to those who we know are trying to understand, even before we have finished processing, using their quick processing skills to our benefit. I live in the same sort of relationship and I know I have changed over time - likely for the better.
ReplyDeleteYep, I would tend to agree.
ReplyDeleteThough I wasn't just refering to my "significant other," I think there's truth to that whomever it is.
Slow processing can be good, only 'cause I tend to process slowly;-) After nigh on 38 years of being married to a "quick-pro" we are getting to merge the process to a duet of "get-mad/brood-quickly" scenario and by the end of it all we both have forgotten what it was all about in the first place. There are benefits to aging, let me tell you.
ReplyDeleteWow, that sounds familiar.
ReplyDeleteLord have mercy on us.