This place has definitely taken a turn, how much for the worse is yet to be understood by myself.
I normally love coming here and using this space to dump smart remarks, or ideas that I'm thinking about. Usually it's an encouragement for me to write this stuff, and I get blessed by the fact that it sometimes will jazz some of you as well.
As you have patiently been aware, there hasn't been much here of any deep quality for a while. (Well, except maybe for that BIG AD! thing) And that has been a symptom of deeper stuff.
I've really just been quiet a lot, because I really don't want this to be a whine dept. Randallfriesen.com isn't my therapist, and shouldn't be treated as such by me. So I've just been quiet.
I do want to thank you for your notes and checking on me and my health. It has been strange lately, from the symptoms last week to a really bad flu this week, to a sense of weariness that soaks right down to my bones.
Lauralea and I were talking last night while we couldn't sleep. Backing up the days since we felt rested, and really good. Back to the new year, then to Christmas. Back to the December rush and the November busyness. And we couldn't remember when...
Since Christmas I've been working really hard on being a good pastor. :) Getting things accomplished, checking up on people, getting the end of the year stuff done. You know, pastor stuff.
Things around the church are going fairly well. We're starting to see some answers to some really stressful prayers we were praying for people over the Christmas season. We have our annual meeting on Saturday where the church has a vote on it's leadership structure. It has a opportunity to take a big step forward into the future with this decision. I'm fairly encouraged by things around here.
But, with this level of busyness, I have dropped a ball or two, pastorally speaking. And my failures makes me feel like, ...whatever, because I've worked so hard at it all.
Thus I end up back at this space.
Randallfriesen.com has offered me a place to hone my writing skills, something I've wanted to do for a long time now. It's given me opportunities to connect with and care for people in ways I had never expected possible. Yes, it's made me a better pastor, but more importantly it's made me a better man. The challenges it provides me, the processes I work through to write something. The discussions I have with you, most of whom are way smarter than I am, really shape me.
And I value that.
So, thanks for checking up on me, and for thinkin about me. I don't know where this ends up going, but it is my desire to get back here.
Soon.
Take your time. We'll still be here. Take care.
ReplyDeleteBeen there and we will be praying for you.
ReplyDelete+1 to Jordon's comment.
ReplyDeleteJust remember, it's meant to be a blog, and is allowed to reflect you. It doesn't have to be another ministry to maintain. And some of us have really appreciated the care and love you've shown - maybe it's payback time?
BTW you don't have to keep feeling bad about the 'brown'. ;-)
What Jordon said, too. I like what you write here, even the random stuff. This is a good place (with a lovely back yard). :)
ReplyDeleteLinda
Hi Randall,
ReplyDeleteFeeling guilty about the pastoral needs we don't get round to is part of the vocation of being a pastor. It is what proves to you that you are still called. But somehow, you have to forgive yourself for not being God. We are only human, and can only do God's things in the way we have strength for.
Will be remembering you in prayer.
Freda
ReplyDeleteThanks. I'm grateful for your words and hearts.
Brings me life, and hope.
peace.
Just got back from a pastor's prayer retreat. Heard about the "thin" places in our lives (a celtic approach to those times where the space between God and you is paper thin - like you could reach across and touch!), and about the dark places (the dark night of the soul). They seem to be very close some times. As you explore some of those dark times I trust that you are scraping away some of the layers and looking to come closer to a "thin" time in your life!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, love the blog and am there with you - January is always a reflection time - and without the sun early in the morning we tend towards mourning. (OK, now I'm starting to move into a "writing" mode - better just leave my comments before they turn into some epistle or tome!)