I'm sitting here at my desk and in front of me is a ministry questionnaire. You know, one of those tests you write to help clarify how God has worked through you in the past, kind of thing.
I was having a chat with Darryl the other week and he recommended it to me. It's taken from "The Passionate Church" (Breen & Kallestad).
You will know, if you've read this space for more than two months, that I have a total love/hate thing going on with being a pastor.
Yes, it does grant me a measure of fulfillment, but I regularly feel inadequate doing it. And I struggle being a part of a system that sometimes can so hugely miss the point.
People affirm my ministry and churches call to ask if I'm open to moving, so obviously there is something in there that God is able to use, in spite of myself.
And this test sitting before me. It yells at me that I AM A PASTOR, NOW DEAL WITH IT. Well, mostly pastor, with a bit of prophet, teacher and apostle thrown in to round me out. Evangelist pulled up a distant fifth.
Nothing new there. I've done it before and it is what it is. And I am what I am. A pastor.
And I am ok with that, in terms of caring for people, listening to their stories, praying with them. Encouraging them, challenging them, watching out for them. Celebrating with them and weeping with them.
I suppose it's some of the other stuff that a church in the 2000's expects to see from it's pastors. Stuff that builds up around churches and pastoral ministries that really doesn't fit me.
Why am I on this hobby horse now?
God has been sifting me a bit, and I'm trying to be teachable.
I'm honestly good with being a pastor(Gifting) but I'm not sure I'm good with being a pastor(2005 version), and I'm trying to hear if he wants me to be a pastor(gifting) or a pastor(2005 version). Get it?
:)
I knew you would. You're a smart bunch.
(For those of you who don't get it, just smile and nod your heads.)
God is sharpening my work, shifting it, adjusting it. And I'm asking him what he desires of me, how he wishes to use me. How my gifts can best be used.
So yeah, that's what my autumn has been about. And that's why I have this test lying on my desk in front of me. And that's why many of my posts have been a bit introspective of late.
It's a season for me and seasons change.
I'll be glad when this one is done changing.
I think you will be able to discern the will of God very clearly because of that last part..."asking him what he desires of me, how he wishes to use me". For me, it's the toughest part.
ReplyDeleteI think you're one of the most authentic people I've met. And one of the most earnest no Ernest pun intended?!).
Continued prayer for you as seek God's heart. It's life changing to read about your journey.
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Wonder if this will look right?
Love the tie. :)
ReplyDeleteMy dad is a pastor -- in the truest sense of the word. He's retired now, but when he was in the located ministry he spent a lot of time being a shepherd, visiting people at home and in the hospital, praying with them, serving. It's not a ob that gets a person a lot of acclaim, but I suspect my dad will meet many people in heaven who are there because of his quiet servant's heart. I suspect you will have that experience too. :)
God will bless you as you serve him, wherever he leads you.
Linda
A-a-ck! "It's not a job that will get a person a lot of acclaim..." Dad was a preacher, not a doctor. I hate it when I make typos. :/
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ReplyDeleteHey, thanks.
I'm learning to read http://micah.friesenworld.com/ blog with it's amazing spelling, so I instantly put a J in front of the OB, without even thinking.
But Toni, I guess I don't have the gift of interpretation.
I'll need more to go on!
Before it posted it looked *a little* like a man kneeling.
ReplyDeleteSomehow everything gets reformatted when it displays. No biggie.
Hey Randall...
ReplyDeleteI've never met you, but with all of the blogs that I've read, and the email that you sent me, I know that you've got to be one wonderful pastor with a real true heart for God. Thanks so much for all that you do.
Blush, ten minutes with me and you'd know the truth.
ReplyDeleteI can be a cruel and anal taskmaster!!!