Down the block there is a pastor who recently has made some choices that are very painful for his family, his church and this community. He has been separated from his wife and family, resigned his church, and moved in with a woman who used to attend his church, and her five kids.
Sigh.
We have supported this guy and his family in their ministry. We have prayed for him and them, and their church, and challenged him whenever he gave us room to challenge him.
It seems he withdrew, isolating himself from the pastoral community. Now we have a broken wife and her kids, another home broken where this man has moved into, a church that is devastated, and a city that says, "See, his words were all talk."
There are other churches where the leaders are isolating themselves. They seem to be building walls between them and their people, or creating reasons to separate themselves from their fellow pastors.
I don't like it at all, it's dangerous as hell and it leads to nothing helpful. If you're wounded or hurting enough to need to separate yourself from the people, you need to quit your "ministry" and get some healing. If your fellow pastors are observing shifting priorities in your visible life, you need to submit to some authority in your life someplace because it's all going to end very badly.
Many people are going to get very very hurt, maybe even doubt God. And they won't just be your kids. They'll be your best friend, whose wife you may end up with. They'll be the people sitting in the pews week after week trusting that you have been communicating God's will and heart to them, when you haven't been hearing him yourself. They'll be the city people who normally wouldn't enter a church but have somehow been effected by your ministry, who now wonder if God's even real.
Like the guys I had coffee with today, who couldn't believe it at all. I told them as I went on my way that if they ever see me making similar moves they should take me out back and help me see sense again.
Gateway Covenant Church, the place I've come to love and call home, knows exactly what that pain is like. They've experienced it first hand. In fact, they have known a lot of pain over the years.
But this Autumn I've been reflecting on how well we are, really. How far we've come. How much healthier we are than we used to be.
Mistrust, which used to be the theme here, has shrunk to almost nothing. Trust is finding a new home here with us. Fear and danger used to lurk around every corner. Now that is being replaced by confidence and safety. Hope for the future is replacing a sense of loss and failure.
It's taken a long time to walk this road back to health, and I should make clear that it began long before I arrived. But it is a hard trek to dislodge bitterness and unforgiveness. Still.
But I am pleased to report how Gateway is moving towards God and making choices for health and life that are enabling her to be a blessing to those who are broken.
May God grant us safety and health. And may he continue to give us those who will lovingly hold us accountable.
I thought pastors were supposed to be the leaders and show people the right way??? But now with that pastor friend of yours doing what he just did, it could make people very confused about what is right and wrong. It sets a dangerous presidences amoung church leaders and the "church goers." I don't think it's right under any circumstances to do what he did. But who am I too judge???
ReplyDeleteBut you would want us to talk some sense into you if you were going to do the same thing. But how would I know if you were doing this thing like your pastor friend??? I wouldn't even know any signs. But I really can't see you doing that anyways Randall.
I hope your pastor friend talks to God about this situation and works it out. It might be the best thing for him.
"May God grant us safety and health. And may he continue to give us those who will lovingly hold us accountable."
ReplyDeleteMr C.C. - the answer to your question lies within Randall's last few words. For those of us that have been around the church and in leadership for a while, you become aware of certain signs, both within others and within yourself, that things are not all they should be.
But we should never consider that any of us are 'safe'. We need to be vigilant constanmtly at what we think and feel.
The thing to remember is that, despite appearances sometimes, pastors are not any different from ordinary Christians. Except that, for a number of reasons, they are far more likely to experience temptation than ordinary Christians.
The present concept of a 'pastor' heading up a church is not found in the new testament, and can place a very great strain on that person. It is sad but not surprising that people in this situation sometimes fall in the way described.
One one thing I managed not to say was how sorry I was that this has happened. Will try to remember this chap and his family.
ReplyDeleteThis just makes me cry....all over again. I feel the pastor's agony and pain and everyone involved. I remember.......only this time I'm able to realize how accountability is so important - to have someone who knows us so well that we aren't afraid of losing their friendship when they know the horror of our sins.
ReplyDeleteI have learned not to say that "I would never sin like THAT again". I am much too frail as a human and I recognize my weaknesses. I have learned to try and stay at the foot of the cross where I belong - where we all belong, really, and yet recognizing how Christ has given me freedom to be what he wants and acting in that freedom.
Yes, Gateway has come a long way and only by God's grace. Repentance and forgiveness. The humillation we face before our God and our families and friends. Painful, but necessary. The only true ways to begin the very long road back to healing and restoration.
These circumstances of life have given me "eyes to see" and "ears to hear" more keenly than some. Not fun...but they are there nontheless. Makes me pray very hard for some folks I love.
I shall pray for the folks you spoke of too.
Randall,
ReplyDeleteI am struck by openness. As you know and as I have stated here. Gateway remains so close to my heart and so many people there are MY family. Not just by birth but by their love for me and I for them. I remember the pain of those years and I know that while Gateway has walked this road to recovery there are many people in this family that continue to hurt and continue to struggle against the demons of unforgiveness and bitterness. These people need people like you to see those signs and they need you to reach out to them and speak to that hurt and bitterness. I pray for you often Randall as I know God has placed you there to care for my "biological church family." I pray that He will reveal those hurts to you so you may show His compassion to this people in your flock.
And Sharon, I am struck by your words that will stay with me for a long time because they are so beautifully true "I have learned to try and stay at the foot of the cross where I belong - where we all belong"
Thanks to you both for having the courage to speak of this.
I will pray for your pastor friend, for his family and for his church.
ReplyDeleteAnd I will continue to thank God for the healing that has taken place since those dark days in Gateway's past. You have been a huge part of bringing us to the place where we can look to the future more than to the past. Sometimes we continue to be an ornery bunch, and your patience must be tested, but please hang in there.